Exposing My Flaws

I hate fighting.  I hate whining.  I hate my clumsy faults.  I hate not being able to see Jesus yet.  I hate my big mouth.  I hate that I can't be trusted.  I hate introducing myself.  I hate using 'I' in every fucking sentence.  I hate being stared at like I'm doing something wrong all the time.  I hate not being in control of my own thoughts.  I hate being alone.  I hate when people wisper.  I hate when no one talks to me.  I hate talking to myself when I'm moderately insane.  I hate not being included.  I hate feeling like a lost cause.  I hate being responsible sometimes.  I hate the phrase "win or lose".  I hate how hate gets me through life.  I hate feeling like I'm the only one playing offense.  I hate coming up with more strategies after everything else fails.  I hate settling for less.  I hate knowing that if you could have followed me like a shadow throughout my life, you would understand me better.  I hate being underestimated.  I hate the way I carry myself.  I hate venting out to people who say, "I know what you're going through" but couldn't compare.  I fucking hate pens.  I hate the idea of moving on.  I hate straining myself over being tongue-tied.  I hate when people think I'm all talk.  I hate wanting confidence but not having the ability to gain it.  I hate feeling defeated.  I hate how I have to prove everyone wrong about me.  I hate being shy.  I hate getting to know people.  I hate how I don't suck the energy out of fun, fun sucks the energy out of me.  I hate seeing the same old faces.  I hate overthinking.  I hate being the better person by walking away.  I hate concentrating on the future.  I hate taking pride in myself when I know I am absolutely nothing.  I hate how I'd hate leaving this place when it's this place that has only caused me grief I won't overcome.  I hate using the word hate because it is too common.  I hate how after telling you all this, you still couldn't give a damn.

But I love taking the risk in exposing my flaws