goodbye

8 Comments

Tags:
  • Passion.
    • ,
  • Lost Love

    Poem Commentary

    this was an idea that was written back in 1985 after a college break-up. i trimmed out the useless weeds and fat . now, i would like to present, the new and hopefully improved, "goodbye grammar." thanks GMcookie for the pointers and helping me to make this a better effort.

    goodbye

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    she wrote her letter of goodbye
    in perfect grammar penned
    not the kind of letter she always used to send
    no drawings, no hearts or stars
    no guess at what life meant
    no sealed with a kiss, no scent's
    no colour or no promises
    but only wretched rhombuses
    all sterile barren white

    such paper cuts to her successful caper
    no prints, no spit and nothing more to say
    just footsteps
    the kind that slowly walked away




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    Poem Comments

    (8)

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    Lasmuigh commented on goodbye

    05-05-2013

    What a beautiful poem! Straightforward, effective imagery put to perfect use in conveying the blinding harshness of a break up. I thought there was a good use of rhyme in there as well, which I don't often see in modern poetry. Really well done.
    Reply to Comment

    Phission

    05/05/2013

    thank you so much !!!

    slimgoodwoody commented on goodbye

    01-21-2013

    Excellent poem! I am unsure of what it read like before you altered it but it is stark and serious and it delivers!
    Reply to Comment

    Crush

    01/22/2013

    thank you so much !!

    cheronld commented on goodbye

    11-07-2012

    This was a stark white and sterile look of a...."Dear John" letter....the whimsy aspect of ....colors and rainbows....to dark and dreary....was so very relatable and on point.....nicely done my friend....Cher
    Reply to Comment

    Crush

    11/08/2012

    thank you so much, Cher. i had some help from gmcookie. he gave me some pointers and improved the poem.

    gmcookie commented on goodbye

    10-07-2012

    Beautiful... I'm going to send you a private mail with a few ideas for this one... Bear in mind that all my work is strictly structured and uses rhythm and rhyme - not the style currently in vogue - but the language of song. I think this work could be easily expressed that way. Great job Phission!
    Reply to Comment

    Phission

    10/07/2012

    great, cookie. i look forward to it.

    Kingwebstar commented on goodbye

    10-05-2012

    Awesome write indeed.Keep up ur excellent work. Love Da KinG
    Reply to Comment

    Crush

    10/06/2012

    thanks, king !

    The true philosopher and the true poet are one, and a beauty, which is truth, and a truth, which is beauty, is the aim of both.

    Ralph Waldo Emerson, American Poet (1803-1882)

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