Searching

But not finding

That’s what I’m doing

But what’s the use?

The ultimate goal

Was not to find, of course,

Happiness

But to try and give it.

But what can you

Give

That you don’t

Have

Who was it?

You or me?

Do either of us

Have a heart?

Is yours cold and hard?

Tired

Unloved

On the edge

Why isn’t someone

Coming?

Thoughts churning

Images blurring

Heard aching

Look what you did

Remember what

You asked for

Remember what

I gave you

And remember what

You threw away

Now remember what

You forgot.

Painful?

Maybe not

But looking at you

Feels the same way

You have the ladies hanging

All around you every day.

Dang you move fast

But it won’t last

Escape from the past

You wouldn’t be the last

How did it happen?

I’m still confused

So fast

I feel so used

I don’t cry

I never cry

But I can drop

Silent tears

Although those rarely come out

What I’m doing now shows

What you did

Are you proud?

Your still there

Everyday

Then you stopped

Even just to say

Anything

And there I lay

The knife over my heart

Your hand on the handle

My life flickering

Like a candle

First strike

Surprise

Second strike

Disappointment

Third strike

Regret at would I didn’t

Or couldn’t do

Fourth strike

Pain

Fifth strike

Overpowering immense sadness

Sixth strike

It’s numb and I’m quietly flowing into crazy happiness.

And so many more

But what for?

Did you have all this in store?

Just for me?

Tell me what I did

Maybe I deserved it

Maybe I don’t deserve love

I wasn’t enough?

With no answer

I guess not.

Well at least I fought

And the lesson you taught

Will not disappear

From my heart.

Selena