And I Doubt

Their  dominant self-righteousness
Towards the decisions I've made within
Act as blows to my insecurities
Fornicating in the depths of my self-doubt
They've yet to comprehend
The reasoning for my judgment
The never-ending marathon
Running from tales I thought I'd buried
Perhaps it was a piece of myself
That I had tried to hide away
Buried deep beneath the vanities
And fortitude of self-preservation
So in the end
I'm left deliberating
A jury of one
For my past transgressions:
Those against myself,
Those against others.
And I doubt.
I doubt the journey I've chosen
To abandon all I knew
For here in this far away land
I am a gentile
I know this.
I know I am not really here,
And I doubt.
My innermost thoughts
Constantly shift back
To those nights in the basement
When that piece of me
Was vibrant and multifaceted.
Now here, with the piece left behind,
My features twisted with grief and rage
And I doubt.
I doubt I have chosen the right destination
I doubt I am better than that piece of me
That I thought I left behind
And I find myself wearing a costume
Pretty colored robes and dangling jewels
In an attempt to shield all eyes
From the deformity of my spirit
With the wholeness of this shell.
And I doubt.
I doubt any will understand
When I confess this was all a game
This was all a elaborate device
Of the manipulation of my missing piece
In an attempt to have them expel me
From their thoughts and hearts
So that I can return
And unearth that piece of me
That would never doubt.