FEVER
Dark and brooding is the mood
the train of thought
that seems to empower me
at almost all times.
Are all movers of the pen-
those who create a worthy prose-
only to be found in the dark?
Is there a lighter verse?
To me, all which seems to be
worth exploring or expressing
are the dismal, painful, and forlorn.
It's all I care to know.
There have been periods of promise,
times of smile and hope,
a delicious break from the norm,
a sabbatical from the shadows.
Such are fleeting and thin,
almost as if dreamlike or surreal-
a fever or drugged reality
that swiftly slips away.
I can't seem to recall
a solid, pleasant lucidity
of something lovely or serene
or a thought worth saving.
All too soon, a good feeling,
a simple lightness of heart
loses hold, bleeds away
and the demons return.
The pinprick of a needle,
the horrors of another sleepless night
-these are what envelop.
These are what stay.
The voices and whispers
that flow from my wrist
are not intended to harm,
but they are there just the same.
Escaping the emptiness and fear,
the nights of despair,
is something I truly desire
but cannot ever seem to obtain.
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