Racism

I walk into a room and can't even make eye contact
because of the color of my skin, i am automatically inferior than you
I am not worthy of your acknowledgment
Over time i have come to accept this fact
As a child i was often the brunt of heartless jokes
The children would circle around me laughing
taunting and throwing stones at me
smirking.
Every single day, until it got so bad that i woke up vomiting and shaking every morning
That's when the nightmares and the screaming first started
All because i was black, and they weren't
Yes, i was introduced to the joys of racism at the age of 6
and the pain i received from it still tears at me
It makes me weak and vulnerable
It makes me second guess everything- every look, every gesture, every word
I look at you all staring at me and it makes me sick to my stomach
Because you are no doubt judging me, mentally ripping me apart
And i can do nothing about it
Because i deserve it.
I have a causal conversation with a stranger on the street
And go home in a panic because of what they probably think of me
I vomit and then get in the shower and scrub my skin until it bleeds
Tying to rid myself of this awful curse i call my skin color
But the pain from that doesn't even compare to the pain buried in me
A truly explicit pain that makes me scream and writhe at night
The pain that comes from racism.