The Coming Rainstorm

One drop

Then two

Now a third to fall

They come… like the tears of the Angels on a funeral procession for their beloved

I can witness, the coming rainstorm that was us

Surveying in the skies above, the jagged path of lighting

The powerful booming thunder that was my heart

Echoes empty in the throes of the romance

And empty now, like the blackness that details the world above

My world abandoned, but not destroyed as the rain intensifies like never before

Four drops

Another five are delivered

And the powerful six drops fall

And like them, my tears pour, echoing my disdain at was, what could’ve been and what is

Though removed so distant from my embrace, like a dying loved one into the Light of God

I mourn the loss that was, is and would be

I can feel the wind stirring my feet to flight, as if I were taken by a great eagle

And yet there are no wings to lift my feet to flee you

How can I?

How can I dare to flee you, to leave what I have desired for so long?

How much has come in a short time, the treasure trove of love woven like a sonnet

The very essence of those drops of rain is like the sweet sound of a piano

My dirge, spun eloquently in C# Minor, didn’t hold back the powerful torrent that I became

I was a hurricane, now diminished to a tropical depression, stirring nothing, changing only myself

Denied and rejected, yet not scorned and still embraced, what hope have I standing here in this rain

Dancing madly, crying loudly, wailing to a God that can hear, and only wait for me to stop

So that His Word can be written again upon my own heart to heal the wounds self-inflicted

As if were addicted to cutting myself, and only the free flowing blood could ease my suffering

What is suffering?

Seven drops cascade

The Eighth runs through the gate

And the Ninth drop now sounds the alarm

My world is all but destroyed, because the joy I lost, was one that couldn’t be mine for all time

Though I fought, only in spirit and truth could it be right

And that, I knew that it could never be

I knew from the very beginning that it would not be so if fought with such a lasting intensity

Sweetly the drops fall, as if the tears of God were to anoint me for the coming trials

Insomuch I long to hold, to kiss, to touch…

And all I can receive to my embrace was the memories… ah the pretty memories

It felt as if my life were a woven fabric by Athena

And in its tales, there was nothing far as grand as this, which I would lay down all for the Lady I Could not have

Who was I to do this?

The tenth drop now falls

And like the powerful crescendo of the pianist, my pain is hammered

By keys of unknown fortitude, demeanor and life

Each string struck, sounds a new cord of pain that languished for the restitution due it

Oh if I had not succumbed and quaffed the hemlock that has a chokehold on my own heart.

The winds are all I have to hold, dreams I have to kiss

And visions to make love to like no other

Is that what I have to hope for, now that I would be without you?

Eleven... twelve … thirteen drops

And now my tears fall as fast as the coming rain.

The winds push against me as if it meant to take me, violate me and leave me desolate

As desolate as I stand now, shaken and broken by not what was, but what would be

Am I a slave to the future, when I live in the present?

I saw diamond and gold when I looked upon you

Smitten hopelessly, loving selfless and selfishly all the same

My desire to create the world of my life had all but drowned me

Ironic how it is that very rain which drowns me

I can only turn my head up on itself to watch the lightning violently display its power

Forcing change where it touches, and this I could never be

Yet it flashes like my mind, and the superheated air is the sound of my beating heart

Longing to know you again, to be with you, to desire you

The torrent picks up intensity, and if there were a funeral in heaven, could I request my

Bleeding heart be buried alongside the eternally lost

My heart is more than the organ to feel, to live and desire

It is the very tablature on which this written epic story must close

It felt as if the apocalypse fell upon me, and the heavens opened up in a rain fire, as if the lightning were that just now

And the earth… if it could swallow me whole, giving me nothing while taking everything

Take everything and spare me nothing but to remember and endure

Yes Endure…

Could I endure the storm that would change the lives we live even as we are miles and worlds apart?

The rain dances now upon the ground, the very water flash flooding everything, as if it were my blood spilt upon the ground to deliver the agonizing truth

Tell me that I could undo this wound, and I would do it

But could I have done it, if it meant not knowing you, not wanting to love you

But how selfish of me, how do I know that I could

Doesn’t the thunder sound as a warning?

Why didn’t I look to the coming clouds and say this warning before I was to be in the storm contemplating?

Endure, and you shall live as long as you can

Endure is all I have done for so long, and the rain only seems to be getting heavier by the second.

The fourteenth, fifteenth and sixteenth drop are as sullen

As the moment I had to say goodbye

And though the angels stand at the grave, and the light of God is removed from the world for a night

So must I, drop to my knees to say my last

Though I wish it were not so, I wish I didn’t have to agree and free you from me

I must, because it is right, and because I can forever declare that I loved you

And will always

I have to let this go, I have to let you be free, so that I can see that you live unfettered

It matters not where our nascent romance found itself

Only where it ended, and it did as we began it ironically

Irony is the best teacher, isn’t it?

All around me, the waters rise, the intensity of the storm is more violent than ever before

Though I have no fear as the seventeenth, eighteenth and nineteenth drops fall…

Fall in tandem with my tears that seem to come as rapidly as my storm looms overhead

I readily recognize that nothing can steer this storm free of my life

It is my destiny to write this, a powerful, painful and passionate tale upon my own heart

While it still lives and beats inside my chest

No anesthesia, no oxygen to calm me

Just the blood and pain, tears and dreams

Then the twentieth drop hits me, like lightning

And my coming rainstorm strengthened in darkness as I lay to dream again

Wishing… just wishing things could be different.

I see the angels now, and it is for me, they weep.

They didn’t bury me, but the waters of my sorrow did

They didn’t carry me, but the lament and anguish did

Yet they kiss my cheeks, and hold me up before God to show

That this Man, his heart loved without fail, and without need of anything but love

Could He restore me?

Or would he cause the waters to recede just a moment and show me another way

I do not know nor do I ask

But if I could have a choice… if He, my Lord gave me a choice

I could ask the rain to continue, so I could always be near the love that gave me strength when I had none.

I would cry for the kisses that stirred new life in a broken spirit

I would reach for the hands that showed me more than I ever did see…

I would reach for you.