It was the cool thing, the thing to do so it seemed
But a disastrous nightmare appeared from the shattered dream
I don’t have a problem; I do it for fun was the justification
But the fun was the pleasure and the pain after the manifestation
“How did I get so far gone?” is the roaming question in my mind
I don’t know but I’m in control was the response, an incorrect line
I repeated that desperately to convince myself I’m winning
But the feeling of failure and losing makes me revert to the beginning
All for a high is why it started but my natural was cool
But after being chemically enhanced for so long I’ve discovered a fool
The man imagining that he was being just, realizing that he was just out of touch
Demanding a seat at the back of the bus simply because he lost so much now no trust
As the hill of guilt gets bigger, I try to get over that hump
Holding back the blows from a self beating as I nurse the bruises and lumps
Still seeing the faces of those that fell much harder than I
Wishing to help them but was losing myself when ever I tried
There were many nights I said never again and hurtfully cried
Still remembering that it started all for a high
Am I addicted, if so to what? Is it a drug or finding ways to keep messing up?
Maybe next time I’ll be smart enough to duck been blessed too long no time for luck
But the buck must stop here I proclaim must do more to honor my name
Have to change more than with whom I’m playing got to change the game
Must get on coarse for my heavenly aim while finding good things to practice
As well as avoiding those things, which lay, me in places much harder than a mattress
Stating to find my high in different places from a different drug
Not one that’s manufactured but grown from love
As my seeds started to hurt from my high venture, there was my baby’s smile
Who would have thought the nothing gets me higher than my child
I almost missed out and gave up almost willing to die
But found that there was something better yes Lord, all for a high