an unintentional push...a nudge
a distance i somehow create
id like to think that you wont budge
but how much can you take

how cold at times i must appear
as if i dont care
sometimes im just deep in thought
and completely unaware

when the distance strikes into my eyes
and it seems like im not here
im just looking for some place safe
where i can push my tears

in the distance i try to find
a balance to it all
looking hard and trying to see
past this built up wall

im often lost within my head
hoping to find some truth
but the things i find inside my mind
just make more confused

late at night when the house is dark
and everyones asleep
and i am sitting up all alone
just taking time to think

i wish nothing more than to close my eyes
and rest my head with you
snuggle up nice and tight
and dream a dream or two

but in the dark my minds awake
and im restless in the bed
everything spins around
and nightmares fill me head

i have to try to distract myself
by staying up late to work
picking through the things to do
and hoping that it works

long nights alone sifting through
the work and my own head
knowing you are not asleep
alone upstairs in bed

busy busy busy
distractions are at hand
thinking what i need to do
and pushing more demands

anything that i can do
so i dont have see
all of the things im going through
and everything that wrong with me

but in the end what i find
the distractions just defer
im sorry for the things i do
through my actions and my words

with strong regret yet again
i sit and scroll these lines
the words i spill an apology
for about the millionth time

within my head and in my heart
these thoughts so strike a chord
a sour note that resonates
and echoes even more

upon this page in black and white
my words are so sincere
all the lines of blurring pain
turning into tears

i hope that you can understand
that im really just trying to cope
and sometimes when i seem most lost
im searching for my hope

sometimes i need to try to be
a bit outside myself
toss in a distraction or two
because sometimes they really help

im still right here though it might not seem
that really here at all
im trying so hard to make it back
from deep behind these walls...