Strips

7 Comments

Poem Commentary

I think this one calls for a bit of explpanation. There was this girl working in a local fast food restaurant and she had these enormous false eyelashes. I asked her out, but she turned me down although there were some unmistakeable signs that she fancied me too.

Strips

To strips, fries and ketchup

There's more than a dinner.

There's smiling and mixup

And blushing and titter.

 

So I don't deny it,

You are very precious,

But what is the deal with

Those frightening eyelashes?

Poem Comments

(7)

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Marsink commented on Strips

01-10-2010

Or, how about a metal rod piercing from the lip up through the nostril? niiice! A great observation, we don't always say what we think, and sometimes, justified. very clever-funny!

Sleeves

04/26/2010

Thanks, Marsink!

AKRAMSAQIB commented on Strips

10-26-2009

comparison of epitites spiritual and physical .well written

lustfulsoul commented on Strips

10-24-2009

Well, with fewer words I say that this piece is quite intriguing and thought-provoking. The words describe more than just a fast-food meal. Sarcasm always will reel in the reader. Great job!

Sleeves

10/24/2009

Thanks!

cousinsoren commented on Strips

10-18-2009

I totally disagree with His Majesty,--no offence meant. This poen is saying a lot in few terse, yet sarcastic lines. There is more to a meal than what foods are on the plate. The savoury preparation ought to entail the skill and moreso the personality of the cook. Similarly, the attractive and appetizing serving of a meal requires a waitress with beauty and charm. In this poem, the poet reacts to an oddity, and warns that false makeup, "frightening make-up" can turn off or repulse a ccustomer. The message is very clear. It is a poem of feeling It sarcastically , mischievously, and amusingly succeeds in producing a sort of video still. . It captures and crystalizes a moment in time The contrasting imagery is effective, The waitress is precious ,and at the same time, her make-up is absurd. Weshoul not overlook the precise stylistics of this poem. The rhyming scheme is perfect. The metrical three - feet ( trimeters) is regular and suited to suggest a brief moment , and a swift concise remark. The banality of the theme is intended to draw a chuckle from the reader or listener. Excellent craftsmanship in zsimplicity is well displayed in this poem Rating for effective treatment of a banal or trite incident is 1o,

Sleeves

10/19/2009

Wow, I never thought this impulse write will ever be understood in this depth and detail. Thank you Oren, it means a lot!

EyesOfRain

08/24/2012

Couldn't have said it better myself. Your poem made me laugh and I could visualize the gaudy waitress with the exaggerated eyelashes clearly. Very amusing and classically funny!

cousinsoren commented on Strips

10-18-2009

I totally disagree with the King. This poem is saying a lot. Of course, there is more to a didnner than what foods are on the plate/ The savoury prepraatiion ought to entail the personality of the cook. The attractive serving of a meal requiree a waitress with beauty and charm. In this poem the poet reacts to an oddity and warns that faise makeup ,"frightening makeup" can turn off or repulse a customer. The message is very clear. It is a pome of feeling. This poem sarcastically, mischievously and amusingly succeds in producing a video still, It captures and crystalizes a moment. The conrasting imagery is effective , the waitress is precious and at the same time her make-up is absurd. We should not overlook the precise stylistics of this poem. The rhyming scheme is perfect: the metrical three-feet (trimeterf) is regular and suited to suggest a brief moment., and a swift , concise remark.. The banality of the theme is intended to draw a chuckle forom the reader or listener. Excellent craftsmanship in smplicity. Rating for efffective treaatment of a banal or trite incident is 10.

Poetry is not an expression of the party line. It's that time of night, lying in bed, thinking what you really think, making the private world public, that's what the poet does.

Allen Ginsberg (1926-1997) U.S. poet.

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