Strips

7 Comments

Poem Commentary

I think this one calls for a bit of explpanation. There was this girl working in a local fast food restaurant and she had these enormous false eyelashes. I asked her out, but she turned me down although there were some unmistakeable signs that she fancied me too.

Strips

To strips, fries and ketchup

There's more than a dinner.

There's smiling and mixup

And blushing and titter.

 

So I don't deny it,

You are very precious,

But what is the deal with

Those frightening eyelashes?

Poem Comments

(7)

Please login or register

You must be logged in or register a new account in order to
leave comments/feedback and rate this poem.

Login or Register

Marsink commented on Strips

01-10-2010

Or, how about a metal rod piercing from the lip up through the nostril? niiice! A great observation, we don't always say what we think, and sometimes, justified. very clever-funny!

Sleeves

04/26/2010

Thanks, Marsink!

AKRAMSAQIB commented on Strips

10-26-2009

comparison of epitites spiritual and physical .well written

lustfulsoul commented on Strips

10-24-2009

Well, with fewer words I say that this piece is quite intriguing and thought-provoking. The words describe more than just a fast-food meal. Sarcasm always will reel in the reader. Great job!

Sleeves

10/24/2009

Thanks!

cousinsoren commented on Strips

10-18-2009

I totally disagree with His Majesty,--no offence meant. This poen is saying a lot in few terse, yet sarcastic lines. There is more to a meal than what foods are on the plate. The savoury preparation ought to entail the skill and moreso the personality of the cook. Similarly, the attractive and appetizing serving of a meal requires a waitress with beauty and charm. In this poem, the poet reacts to an oddity, and warns that false makeup, "frightening make-up" can turn off or repulse a ccustomer. The message is very clear. It is a poem of feeling It sarcastically , mischievously, and amusingly succeeds in producing a sort of video still. . It captures and crystalizes a moment in time The contrasting imagery is effective, The waitress is precious ,and at the same time, her make-up is absurd. Weshoul not overlook the precise stylistics of this poem. The rhyming scheme is perfect. The metrical three - feet ( trimeters) is regular and suited to suggest a brief moment , and a swift concise remark. The banality of the theme is intended to draw a chuckle from the reader or listener. Excellent craftsmanship in zsimplicity is well displayed in this poem Rating for effective treatment of a banal or trite incident is 1o,

Sleeves

10/19/2009

Wow, I never thought this impulse write will ever be understood in this depth and detail. Thank you Oren, it means a lot!

EyesOfRain

08/24/2012

Couldn't have said it better myself. Your poem made me laugh and I could visualize the gaudy waitress with the exaggerated eyelashes clearly. Very amusing and classically funny!

cousinsoren commented on Strips

10-18-2009

I totally disagree with the King. This poem is saying a lot. Of course, there is more to a didnner than what foods are on the plate/ The savoury prepraatiion ought to entail the personality of the cook. The attractive serving of a meal requiree a waitress with beauty and charm. In this poem the poet reacts to an oddity and warns that faise makeup ,"frightening makeup" can turn off or repulse a customer. The message is very clear. It is a pome of feeling. This poem sarcastically, mischievously and amusingly succeds in producing a video still, It captures and crystalizes a moment. The conrasting imagery is effective , the waitress is precious and at the same time her make-up is absurd. We should not overlook the precise stylistics of this poem. The rhyming scheme is perfect: the metrical three-feet (trimeterf) is regular and suited to suggest a brief moment., and a swift , concise remark.. The banality of the theme is intended to draw a chuckle forom the reader or listener. Excellent craftsmanship in smplicity. Rating for efffective treaatment of a banal or trite incident is 10.

Poetry is finer and more philosophical than history; for poetry expresses the universal, and history only the particular.

Aristotle (384 BC-322 BC) Greek philosopher.

Sleeves’s Poems (23)

Title Comments
Title Comments
memories 0
album 0
turquoise 1
delusion 0
cold 1
wife 0
imprinted 0
sepia 2
emerge 1
gravity 0
Two haikus 0
Strips 7
The lone wheat 3
Life that never was 3
Tide 4
I awake 5
Lúthien 5
Gone with the whales 2
Picture 3
Perfect looks 2
You, here 3
Scarred 5
Fade 1