Paper cup

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    Poem Commentary

    cheers to a happy tomorrow let us drink away our sorrows and die from this poisons kiss who's passion I cannot resist but take one more and God rest my soul for in his arms I know I'll go for he turned my, no longer blind as simply as water to wine.

    Paper cup

     the skys are opened up 
    the seas are swollen swiftly
    they over flow like my paper cup
    and the currents come and lift me

    "where are we going" I'd ask the driver
    but I don't think he could hear me
    or perhaps he simply refused that I should know my destiny

    tomorrow is so far away I wish this day be over
    so that I can sleep again and not fear this mammoth boulder
    that threatens to crash down on me if I should move to fast
     and roll away with my bones and break me into a million parts

    but oh to be a part from this land of sorrows
    and bask in the glory of the kingdom that knows no tomorrows
    no good byes no longer cry nor bitter anger erupt
    but over flow like the open sky, or the sea, or my paper cup. 

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    MootPoint commented on Paper cup

    05-28-2013

    I really like the ending and the gist of the poem. A few things: Skys should be skies. "a part" should be apart. good byes should be goodbyes. I would say stick with a rhyming pattern such as first line and second line and the third line and forth line. Just adding my $.02. I am no expert on poetry. I hope you don't mind my opinion.
    Reply to Comment

    windsongs commented on Paper cup

    05-27-2013

    thought process is so pragmatic-ur good with this one-live, love and love the hope without anger-great poem:)
    Reply to Comment

    Tarlton009

    05/28/2013

    thanks :)

    In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

    Franz Kafka (1883-1924) Czech writer.

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