Age 23/Tuesday, August 17th, 2010/12:53a.m.

I don't know. I'm happy. I'm sad. I'm confused. I feel loved and also neglected. I want to stop all the wrong/bad things I do but I'm scared of the good. Scared that it might hurt me worse than before. Maybe it'll be too good and I will manipulate myself like I always do.
I want to be a mother to My Daughter. I don't want drama. But it seems to follow me around. Too much negativity. If I could deal my own cards, all I get are numbers. When God deals them, He faces me and says I am Worthy. You don't have to do this. Just cast all your cares on me.

I feel ashamed of the things I'm still doing and more ahamed because I'm not doing what I should be doing. I'm on the right track, but it seems, for me,everything good comes to an end. I want to fully trust and love and have faith, completely to My God. And then I finally do,
and take my life back into my own hands. And mess-up. To be or not to be. That is the question.

I feel like a piece of paper instead of being steardy as a pencil.
Yes life is life and I have to learn to deal with it. But God says louder, Give your problems to me and I will take care of them. And yet, again, what do I do?..I take them back.
Just stop. Please. Your hurting me. Us. Your killing my soul.
You want what you want and I want what I want.
I feel like I'm basically telling God and my Lord Jesus to screw-off cause I have not followed His commandments

I accept Him and fall.  Accept and Fail. Accept and fall.