My fear is that you won’t love me,

I suffer in silence because I fear to let you know me.

I hide my past form fear that you will judge me,

I fear how you will judge me.

I fear that you will judge my gender,

that you will judge the color of my skin.

I fear that you will judge my height, my weight,

I fear how you will judge me,

My great fear is that you cannot see me.

I fear that in my tears you see weakness,

In my open heart you will see a way to control me.

I fear that in my anger you will see violence,

that in my vulnerability you will see opportunity.

Can’t you see me? 

Can’t you see that I want you?

Can’t you see that I need you?

Can’t you see I love you?

My greater fear is that one day you must leave me.

I fear that in illness you will be taken from me.

I fear that senseless violence may rip you from my life,

that another’s love will keep you from my side.

I fear that my own fears will one day drive you away.

I don’t want you to leave me,

I can’t stand it if you leave me.

My ultimate fear is that some day you may come to love me.

I fear my failures will disappoint you,

and that my successes will make you resent me.

I fear that my support could never match your needs,

that in my silence you will see a restless heart,

I fear the joy I feel in every breath you take,

the way I laugh with you and cry with you.

I fear the brush of your hand and the thrill it brings.

I fear your love,

I fear your love.

Your hair, your eyes, your talented hands, your heart,

your soul, your bottomless well of compassion,

the light you bring into my life radiant and searing.

I fear these things in you.

Does my fear make me transparent to you?

Does my fear give you a doorway into my very soul?

Does my fear keep me safe, with questions never asked, risks never taken?

Will my fear forever keep me from you?

Alone in my bed,

alone in my head,

alone in my heart,

alone with my fear.