Anger,fear, pain, shock-
I could have felt all those and more, but instead, I felt nothing.
That void is far worse. All other emotions around me showed the presence of his heart.
But I was almost not there at all...I wanted to feel.
I hated the guilt at the lack of my reaction as much as I hated what happened to us.
-Only my isolated broken heart could attest to my surroundings. The thought of him made it hard to breath. I wish I could cry but I can't break down my mental blockage; soon, I'm crying,- but not for me, for him.
I touched his picture with my trembling fingers. My tears frozen in my eyes & I suddenly could not cry. I feel something I cannot express. No words exist to explain how I feel.-- It's a stark and chilling reality that struck me there. Only holding on to his memory and my mind simply stops....
-Have you ever thought of what it'd be like to go to hell?
Hell is beyond the realm of tears. This is why I can no longer cry for him.
-Maybe I meant to hurt him. Maybe the fact that he always thought I'd leave him for someone else, got through to me. My then comforted, faithful heart,- turned on him...on myself.
Now I'm left all alone with this isolated, uninterpreted heart. Something I'll never again be able to understand. Love is something I never want to fall into again.
Nothing about the end made it worthwhile. I HATE myself for what I did to him- but at the same time, I feel the exact same thing towards him.
-- I broke his heart....I broke my own---
© -§-
By Sheila May King (§weetcheeks §heila)
Copyright © 2006 Sheila King.
All rights reserved