I’m writing this blog for the very reas0n that I promised myself that somehow, in someway, one day, I’m going to let him know how much love is within me. I guess I’m not going 2 let this chance goes by… I want him to understand how I feel, & have no intenti0n of making him feel the way I do…

Let me start of by saying that the best way to love anything or anyone is being able to LET GO… some say that holding on will prove true love… I mean if you really, truly love someone… learn to say GOODBYE…After everything that happened, I was never myself…

I tried to be ‘Ms. Friendly’ and ‘Ms. Cheerful’ everyone kn0ws, but inside of me was nothing of those kinds. My friends say that they admire me for being strong and courageous, but little do they know that I was just pretending. Underneath me was a torn, shattered, and very broken heart… every night I sulk in bed crying, moaning, whining, & blaming the world…I sometimes get tired and so I wish for morning to come immediately… but I dread going through everyday, pretending everything’s fine… when the truth is nothing will ever be the same…So then again, I say I’d rather be in bed crying, moaning, whining, blaming the world - and never get tired of it..

Seeing his face was a lot more torture for me than a thousand knives stabbed in a man’s body…the bleeding will take the life out of you in a few minutes, but the kind of torture his face brings me…wounds me slowly, letting me feel every bit of torment and every enticing agony…it cuts me into pieces smaller than small…and whenever I look into his eyes and beyond it, I shiver helplessly…adding to the sorrow was the fact that I no longer see “me” in them… fearing I might drown, I begin to look away and tears start to flow as if it will see no ending…it’s really been a hell of time for me to get over the feel of his touch, the gentleness of his embrace, the comfort of his words, the melody of our s0ng (that we recently had), the world we called “0urs”.. Maybe the reason is I d0n’t really want to get over them…I intend to keep them locked inside my heart as I have kept him there too… I never want to forget him…they say that forgetting someone means you never loved that someone… I merely wanted to clear my mind of him for the meantime that I may stop hoping and waiting for all the things that could have been…

It saddens me so much that I didn’t get the chance to tell him everything I wanted him to know…if I only knew that I had only a very short time to love him, I would have never left his side, every single day and night… I would have chained him close to me and never let him go…I would have told him “I love you” over and over again ‘til I have no voice left to say any word… I would have spent them all beside him – loving him…But then again, he had left me with a very grateful heart for each little thing we did…for all things big and small – they all made me love him even more…Just by remembering the wonderful memories will surely calm my being in times of restlessness and sadness…even as the hurt and lonely feeling will mock and haunt me forever, I know love shall rule over them.. Moreover, he had made me a stronger, better, and more loving person. My life has changed as we said goodbye, but I still have my faith to love, and I know that a new life awaits me…

It was so hard for me at first to admit the fact that I have to end things with him…it made me think if I even loved him…this moment proved otherwise…I can’t help but think that if he had truly been in love, he wouldn’t have agreed with me…but I can never blame him for everything that had happened…I accept love and all the extremities of its ways…where there’s love, pain and hurt lie…But as one loves, there is no pain nor hurt…only more love…for the longest time, I h0ped for miracles of us coming back together…eventually, I realized that there are things that are not meant to be, and even if I do my very best to win us back, I would never succeed…even if I exhaust all of life’s possibilities, I can never have his love back…because I made my choice already. Also, it’s not because that I, myself, am a failure, but because I HAVE NO POWER OVER LOVE…