headless turtles

4 Comments

Tags:
  • Death
    • ,
  • Loss
    • ,
  • My Feelings

    headless turtles

     

    headless turtles

    in my
    crab trap
    were two
    big blue-claw
    crabs - and
    two small fist-sized
    salt water turtles

    my office job
    got before
    my practice
    of checking the
    trap about
    every 3 or four
    days

    two weeks
    past ..and
    during that
    time the big
    crabs ate the
    heads off the small
    turtles
    imprisoned in
    my trap

    i felt
    horrible
    as they
    floated
    away
    on the surface
      gulls
    -  picking -
    them
    clean

    i killed those
    special
    little
    headless
    turtles
    because
    my
    job
    got in
    front
    of their
    precious
    natural
    lives

     

    poetography
    westhampton beach
    dune rd
    bay side
    july 3 2009

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    RHPeat commented on headless turtles

    07-04-2009

    There appears to be some confusion in your opening: (salt water turtles/ my office job/ got before/ my practice/ of checking the/ trap about ) How did the job get the turtles? Didn't the trap catch the turtles? Your job caused you not to check the traps. Put in this structure you have your job catching the turtles. you might want to reword the lines right there with more definite intent. Otherwise I do like the concept of the poem. Good writing, the form suggests time passing the way it is dribbled out down the page. This works well with the demise of the turtles, even the way the drift off floating. I would change the block about the photo so it doesn't look like its part of the poem. I started reading it as part of the poem until I realized what it was. I've been putting my info. in that small area that is generally just above the poem when you enter it on the board. Thanx for sharing this one. A poet friend/ RH Peat
    Reply to Comment

    laydbak1 commented on headless turtles

    07-04-2009

    It is a great thing to humbly admit a mistake, that hopefully others may learn from it... It is a greater thing to embed it's lesson into our own soul, that we not revisit it.. A very compelling and great, simple write... 10 here...
    Reply to Comment

    lightcourier commented on headless turtles

    07-03-2009

    Damn jobs! I really liked this! Super symbolism presented in a pointalistic verse structure. pop pop pop pop bam! Nice work! Thanks!
    Reply to Comment

    The true philosopher and the true poet are one, and a beauty, which is truth, and a truth, which is beauty, is the aim of both.

    Ralph Waldo Emerson, American Poet (1803-1882)

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