Raindrops on My Piano


Poem Commentary

Precious people are hard to come by and even harder to keep.

Raindrops on My Piano

I gave you the keys to my heart
Along the way we fell apart
Before you left I needed the truth
You couldn't even give me an excuse

Weren't you the one who spoke of trust
Constantly accusing my insatiable lust
I was faithful to you everyday of my life
Four words away from making you my wife

In my head I hear your voice crying
As I fall to the ground I am dying
Slowly pieces of me are unraveling
While you are on your own traveling

Why did you have to strip me to the bone
I wanted to create a place you could call home
Now the only songs I play don't even resonate
Drowning in your rejection makes me hesitate

I took a chance on love and I loved
Your absence has me feeling disposed of
You wouldn't believe how difficult it was
To ruminate on what was the cause

Am I too weak for baring my soul
Hollow raindrops are making me lose control
As our favorite song comes to its close
I live with the fact that I lost my special rose

Poem Comments


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WordSlinger commented on Raindrops on My Piano


I think you did really good here, yes this theme is old, but the love you have for the one is new, I'm sure, good poem, I agree with Peat, switch the 2, and bamm, it's a gem WS



Yeah, it does sound better that way. Thanks for the input Peat.

RHPeat commented on Raindrops on My Piano


the lament for the lost love. An age old theme. I think the rhyming couplets would make a better form instead of quatrains. It would be more like a guzzal in that way. A string of pearls. . I think I'd invert these two lines like this: (Slowly pieces of me are unraveling// While you are on your own traveling) it would make a stronger intent in the lines. Why don't you try metered lines (metric feet) You flow in the lines and rhymes are done well. start putting rhythm within the lines as well instead of just cadences. Just an idea. a poet friend// RH Peat

Poetry comes nearer to vital truth than history.

Plato (BC 427-BC 347) Greek philosopher.

Kaiprin’s Poems (43)

Title Comments
Title Comments
Forsaken 0
Hatred’s Plea 3
Insanity's Fire 1
Walking in Circles, Waiting for Yesterday's Kiss 1
What Words Couldn't Say 7
Haiku Part 6: T(eas[e/y]) 3
Clarity Haiku 3
Forsaken Haiku 4
Why Should We Try? Haiku 1
The Evening News Haiku 1
Goodbye 1
Late At Night 2
American Ido( l / n't ) 3
Haiku Tangent: What Does It Really Mean? 2
When It's Over 2
Haiku Part 5: The Ghuzal Tragedy 3
Haiku Part 4: Appeal 1
Haiku Part 3: Prey 2
Haiku Part 2: Regrets 7
Haiku Part 1: Safe and Warm 8
Visions of Me In California 3
The Other Side of Me 3
Raindrops on My Piano 2
Look Through Me 2
Any Other Way 1
Changing Chance 1
As I Am 1
Apart 3
The Weekend Sand 2
Why Worry 2
As I Lie Here 3
Broken 3
Two 1
Here To Stay 1
She Won't 2
Slow Down Mister Steep 1
Unwanted Progress 2
Who's That Lady 3
Begin Again 0
Quitting Again 1
Hardly Hidden 0
Facing the Truth 1
Moving On 4