Sitting Here

I'm sitting here still awake this early morn
with thoughts of us having left me forlorn
I have not the slightest what to do
as everything leads me straight back to you

It is going on almost a year
and still I'm sitting right here
Wondering if I will keep my word
Something few have ever heard

I promised myself something back then
Now I fear, it's all coming down to when
Do not want to take the easy way out
But it matters not how much I scream and shout

I've lost everything I ever wanted
and for that I am haunted
I've been sitting here wishing and waiting
but the truth is obvious about our abating

It's a gift of mine that I tried to hide
doesn't matter if I wanted you as my bride
I hurt everyone I have ever cared for
I'm sorry I ever hoped for anymore

Should have known it'd end up like this
forever wishing for another faithful kiss
The thing that should never be, lives inside of me
Has costed me my everything's, known as she, she, and she

The girl's that gave me all their love
have finally been able to rise above
All of my issues and emotional distress
onto y'all of my hopes and dreams I do bless

Now I'm sitting here waiting to retire
all done trying  to being a liar
Things will never get any better
and when the time comes, I'll send each of you out a letter

But for now I'm sitting here trying to explain
Why it is that I need to be reborn again
Because this life I completely fucked
will never get back the true love, I let get mucked