I'll Lie

No, I'm not okay.
No, I'm not fine.
No, I'm not good.
Yes, when you asked, I told a lie.

I lie with my face and my words and make you believe the lie you hear and see is truth but it's not.

On the inside I'm screaming to the point I've forgotten how to breathe and my lungs are so starved for air I'm not sure how I haven't dropped.

On the inside I've bled for so long I don't understand how there aren't drops and splatters of blood all around me from the wounds inflicted by others and myself.

On the inside I am sobbing and it won't stop so I'm blinded by the tears and swollen eyes and sometimes it leaks out and I hate myself because it makes me feel weak that I can't hold it together so no one sees.

It is what it is has become my mantra so strongly I fear I am becoming numb and will lose my ability to feel at all.

But if you ask me, I will say I am okay.
If you ask, I'll say I'm fine.
If you ask, I'll say I'm good.
If you ask, I'll lie.