• Love
  • ,
  • Emotional

    Poem Commentary

    This isn't a poem, but I really like it.
    It's about a boy I like, but I'm way too shy to tell him.

    Anyway, I hope you like it as much as I do.


    His eyes are beautiful, and they remind me of fireflies. It was like he ran through an open field of grass that was just littered with fireflies, and he ran so fast that they got stuck in his pupils, captured forever in a jar. Now when he blinks, they flutter, and I can hear their wings beating against the glass sides of their enclosure.
    I can remember that night vividly. When we tip toed out to the open field behind my house with hand fulls of mason jars. Our hearts were beating with anticipation as we approached the field that glittered with straying fireflies. We ran as fast as we could, capturing them in small jars, watching them lazily float about within them. I watched his free legs scan the grassy surface as he chased after mischievous bugs that seem to do the impossible by lighting up. That was when I first noticed his eyes.
    I watched his eyes follow a firefly up to the top of the jar and land upside down, creating a luminous haze on his face. His eyes were curious, as he watched bugs fluctuate in dimming glows. For a moment, I stopped doing what I was doing. I listened as unpretentious fireflies quivered densely in mason jars under a star lit sky. The tips of his fingers left fogging prints on the glossy sides of the jars.
    His eyes blinked and paper-thin wings joined once more, scratching together like sandpaper. I watched his eyes change color as the lights shifted positions in the darkness, performing a show of magnificence. Amber and sepia danced together around his widening pupils as his eyes finally met mine. I wanted to be a part of this night forever, because I knew we were in love. And because we were in love, things were that more beautiful than they were before.

    By: Brandi Deacon

    Poem Comments


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    jeanpnkldyg commented on Fireflies


    Very descriptive. You made me feel like I was there! Good write!



    Thank you. It means a lot. :)

    dahlusion commented on Fireflies


    "The tips of his fingers left fogging prints on the glossy sides of the jars." — this type of detail screams writer from your heart. WOW! I love this piece. Perfectly written and beautifully. As a child, I would fill my bedroom with 20 Mason jars of fire flies only to keep the dark away.



    "beautifully crafted" — oops.. I meant to write beautifully crafted.



    He he. Thank you Dah. This one is probably my favorite. :)

    Kaiprin commented on Fireflies


    Eyes are such beautiful symbols to use; they are truly wonderful and your repetition of them is nice. This work kind of reminded me a Owl City's hit song 'Fireflies'.



    Aww. Thanks. And yeah, I love that song. I took some inspiration from it. He he. Thanks for reading. :)

    texaswriter commented on Fireflies


    I think your prose is a romantic love story. It is very good! Texas Earthangel (Jackie)



    Thank you for reading. :)

    Jayandben commented on Fireflies


    I bet he has brown eyes, doesn't he? My boyfriend has brown eyes: like liquid gold :)



    He does have brown eyes. They are very pretty. I'm jealous!

    Poetry comes nearer to vital truth than history.

    Plato (BC 427-BC 347) Greek philosopher.

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