losing what's precious

20 Comments

Poem Commentary

my daughter, who up until a year ago was the strongest Christian I've ever known, a devoted missionary since she was 11, a Sunday School teacher and youth leader...the joy of my life.  She left church, moved in with her boyfriend and last night when I stopped by to say Happy Birthday...found her and her boyfriend tripping on acid and ecstacy....I made her take a drive with me.  when I asked her why?...because she was raped, by a Christian boyfriend, who then blamed her and left her...confused,, hurting and angry at God..."that", she said, "is when I stopped believing in God."  Then she kicked me out of her apartment.  she's 19. 

losing what's precious

it seems I've spent a lot of time
feeling sorry for myself
counting up the boxes of
grief up on my shelf

did I say I've cried?
I lied


you have been the brightest star
shining in my sky
and every time I've thought of you
I've smiled a gentle sigh

did I say I've cried?
I lied


I have been so proud of you
every moment of your life
you made everything worthwhile
every struggle, every strife

did I say I've cried?
I lied


Your light burned so very bright
I took your joy for granted
and didn't notice sputtering
as you grew disenchanted

did I say I've cried?
I lied


last night opened up my eyes
to all the ways I've let you down
how much hurt you've had to hide
while I left you on your own

did I say I've cried?
I lied


the only tears I've ever shed
were cried on my behalf
selfishly and bitterly
regretting my twisted life

did I say I've cried?
I lied


last night the unending waterfall
cascaded from my heart
knowing you are broken now
knowing I played a part

did I say I've cried?
I lied


understanding that I left you
to struggle with your pain
too blinded by myself to see
they way you don't complain

did I say I've cried?
I lied


my precious shining baby girl
this bad turn that you've taken
will lead you into shattered dreams
heartbroken and forsaken

did I say I've cried?
I lied


nothing I have ever felt
is remotely comparable to
the way my wretched heart now weeps
the tears I cry for you

did I say I've cried?
I lied.


seeing your spark grow dim
as you seek your oblivion
losing the most remarkable person I know
not being able to stop you
from destroying your future hope
knowing I wasn't there for you
when you needed me the most
and that alone you fought a battle
that would have defeated an entire host
wishing I could fix this
wondering what to do
not knowing if there are any words
that you'll let reach through
the wall that you are building
between my heart and you
and yes, I'm disappointed
and angered by your choice
and grieving that I made you feel
you didn't have a voice
precious, precious baby girl
I've cried, I've cried, I've cried
all night, red eyes burning
stomach churning
grief-struck, desperately praying
in a God I'm not sure hears me
but for you, for you I will bow my head
and beg for help
because I cannot stand this losing of you

I told you I never cry.
I lied.

Poem Comments

(20)

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BringMeBullets commented on losing what's precious

01-12-2010

This is so real. Like you've opened your heart and let it spill out onto my computer screen. I feel for those who have lost, and had to put up with that for so long. But they must remember the things they have gained as well. Very good write. :) I feel everything you have written. It's beautiful.

ChrisP commented on losing what's precious

07-25-2009

the fact that I am feeling like I am crossing the line of existence with what you are putting up. I want to live the illusion.

EricaE commented on losing what's precious

07-24-2009

wow. This was a great display of emotions. I am going through a rough patch with my mom, I'm only 15, and this helps me to see things from her side. For the first time the other day I saw her cry, from something I did, and this just was nice to see it from the mother view. Thanks, this actually helped me alot.

Ash212 commented on losing what's precious

07-24-2009

I very much enjoy your poetry. You seem to have a good grip on the reality of things.

tenderpoison

07/24/2009

thank you, I write what's real in my life, my heart...my perspective. I'm glad to know it's recognized.

oldgoat commented on losing what's precious

07-24-2009

The Prodigal daughter. Trust God, she will return. The many times I turned my back on my Father growing up, He never turned His back on me. The pain in your poem, I can feel and understand so deep in my heart. I have 3 sons that are my world, my purpose for being. Our kids, the same as we were, can not understand the real meaning of unconditional love until they have their own. The love we feel, It's hard to imagine an even greater love like our Father has for us. Keep praying and do the same as my mother did, let go and leave her in God's Hands. We can't protect them like He can. There are no better hands to be in. I wrote a poem a few months ago called "Better Hands" if I can find it, I'll post it. Tenderpoision, keep praying, God will protect, keep her safe, and bring her home again. I will also say a prayer for her and you as well...keep writing, you are good, I pray you find heartfelt joy and love to write about instead of pain...

Poetry is either something that lives like fire inside you or else it is nothing, an empty formalized bore around which pedants can endlessly drone their notes and explanations.

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tenderpoison’s Poems (116)

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