From within the wall

16 Comments

Poem Commentary

I wanted to try something a little different. I think it is good for poets and writers to try different things.

From within the wall

It was a sultry night
Sweat dripping down our faces
We headed out for a night walk
The moon full round lit up the night
The streets were empty
Not a soul around
With the exception of the homeless man
Sleeping in a corner covered with cardboard
Curled up in a fetal position slept
The night lights lit up the stores
Neon lights flashing radiant
The windows pleasantly glimmered
With the beauty of diamond jewelry
A girls best friend or so they say
The neon lights flashed
Out of the corner of my eye caught an image
Our hearts began to beat fast
What is it who is it
We could hear the sound of foot steps following behind
Though frightened kept on walking
The empty sound in the streets left us feeling alone helpless
With no help of our own we continued
The faster we walked the faster the foot steps followed
No police no phone wishing I'd stayed home
We felt so helpless I wanted to run
Looking at each other frighten needed to make a decision 
The call for help but no one was around to hear or run
We ran as fast as our legs would carry us
Our legs tired heavy weak still he followed
With a church in sight
We ran for the steps in hopes help was there
The steps seemed miles away
We ran in what seemed like slow motion
Climbing to the top took all the strength we could muster up
Thank God the door was opened
We called for help dark quite  no one there
We could hear the foot steps following
We found a closet for shelter
Getting down on our knees we prayed oh God
Please help us  help us please
We must not breathe so loud surly he would hear us
My heart pounding out of air
Within the wall I could hear his breath
Silence filled the air as we watched the door knob turning
I thought my heart would drop I felt faint
With nothing to reach for we started to scream
When the door opened he called honey honey
Is that you I was worried about you so I followed
Making sure you were safe
With my heart racing I reached for his arms crying
I was so scared but glad to see your face
Here to take us home 





Poem Comments

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cousinsoren commented on From within the wall

03-08-2010

COUSINSOREN'S TYPOS CORRECTED: "skilfully," "masterly chooses"....................................not choosee "pursued happily".....................................not persued ''poem." ...................................................not poeme. I HATE TYPOS! I must see my optician, next week..NEW GLASSES REQUIRED. Betty, PLEASE read my "THE DESTRUCTION OF PORT ROYAL" and comment. THANKS.

Bettysrainbow48

03/17/2010

I hear you I need new glases too. LOL

cousinsoren commented on From within the wall

03-08-2010

I love this ski;fully crafted poem. It is a suspenseful. narrative ,in which betty-rain masterly chosees appropriate and familiar dissyllabic words ro build-or develop the climax. The poeme ends with a pleasnt anticlimax instead, as the persued jhappily falls int the arms of the pursuer........." I was so scared, but glad to see your face" My rating for wit, suspense and a smooth narrative style is 10x10. I am ,however, disturbed by the American literary vogue of non-punctuation. The cosmetics of narrative poetry especially, require careful punctuation,as serious misinterpretation of the work can occur. It is advisable to punctuate.

Bettysrainbow48 commented on From within the wall

02-01-2010

Please excuse the typos RHP I believe it is lite with a silent e LOL typo was not caome but came LOL In a hurry played a roll in that.LOL Lights was used in it I beilieve.The night lights (lite or LIt ) up the night but the store lights up the night would have worked too. Something to think about.Thank you.

RHPeat commented on From within the wall

01-26-2010

I think you mean (lit) or (lights) in L4. a poet friend RH peat

Bettysrainbow48

01/26/2010

I think you are right, lit up the night .Thank you

Bettysrainbow48

02/01/2010

I used spell check thinking you just might be right. Guess what they both caome up right! Which is it?? Lit or lite up the night?? Interesting.

RHPeat

02/02/2010

beats me my dictionary say Lite means low amounts of something. like lite bear is low in alcohol content. It has a weird connotation if you ask me for the use you are giving it in your poem. Personally before I looked it up I thought that (lite & light) were just different spellings with the same meaning. Now I have something new to deal with. Thanx a-lot. A poet friend// RH Pea

stever commented on From within the wall

01-24-2010

great suspense...but was it your dad ''the preacher'' who was it??? love the wording and flow....sTeVeR

Bettysrainbow48

01/25/2010

I was raised in church all my life but this was just a made up poem (write) of different ideas. Their was a pastor in our family. He worked in the big city places with homeless people.. For the most I was a country girl.My mom was raised a city girl. I have heard a lot of stories, that is why I like the country. There people deal with wild animals. LOL

A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness. It finds the thought and the thought finds the words.

Robert Frost (1875-1963) American Poet.

Bettysrainbow48’s Poems (74)

Title Comments
Title Comments
Think of Me 4
Sit down with me 19
That Look 15
In A Moment 18
Peek a Boo 14
The Oceans Secret 14
Fish in a bowl 15
Corn Stocks and Summer 11
The Snake 17
Gone Fishing 14
I Can't 16
A BOX 16
Just A tree 13
Change 6
You left me 9
The Lion Sleeps 5
Something about you 7
Motivation 10
Close your eyes 12
Hunger 10
The Thunder Roared 10
And Jesus said 12
It all starts again 8
Blue 6
Take me back 4
It's Valentines Day 15
From A Distance 14
Take My Hand 3
He Barked 5
Arthur 3
THE GOOLDEN DAYS 3
She Danced 11
From within the wall 16
You left 13
Elusive Memories 9
People like you 27
The Burning in my soul 9
The Night Moon 12
A picture within a picture 4
The first face 6
In a clouded mist 3
It was September 5
Babble Beneath The Wind 7
My Darling 3
The Rose 7
My Valentine 9
In the depths of mind 5
MY Song 3
Daddys Eyes 8
The Bug 12
Because of you 9
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS 8
DEAR GOD 9
IN MY SADNESS 2
ENOUGH 6
TAKING MY BREATH AWAY 11
I LOVE YOU 2
I'M NOT GONE 4
STRANGERS IN THE NIGHT 4
DIVORCE 2
The Willow Weeps 5
The Empitness within 2
My Computer 3
Running out of time 1
My Sprit 3
If you could see through my window 3
My Door 2
Where there is a way 2
Everyday is the same 4
Empty Arms 5
When The Sun Sets- 6
Halloween 2
Dragon Fly 14
Halloween 4