You left

13 Comments

Tags:
  • Loss
    • ,
  • Death
    • ,
  • Friendship
    • ,
  • Childhood

    Poem Commentary

    I dedicate this to a friend I had in school. We were best friends. We were friends through ours twenties. .

    You left

     We shared good times  laughter
    Shed tears together our dreams wishes
    Each married  into a world of our own
    Full of family children friends
    Friendship created by years
    A bond
    Childhood friends to last forever
    We shared one by one each child born
    Marring men that loved us
    Many years had passed 
    Growing older still friends
    We talked  planned to meet
    Happiness excitement friends  again
    To introduce our families
    Talk about old times
    Only a day had passed
    I saw it on the news
    Live filled my heart with fear
    My stomach dropped my heart skipped beats
    My breath I could not catch 
    A young mother father of five
    Were burning in a fire
    Children running for help
    Dad in the bedroom gone
    Mom hand in hand
    On the floor with child
    Reaching for each other
    I think of you about the times
    We had so much fun
    On her grave lay flowers
    Thinking about the phone call
    The friendship we had 


    Poem Comments

    (13)

    Please login or register

    You must be logged in or register a new account in order to
    leave comments/feedback and rate this poem.

    Login or Register

    MissIvy commented on You left

    02-04-2010

    Ah that's terribly sad but what was lived was lovely
    Reply to Comment

    Bettysrainbow48 commented on You left

    02-03-2010

    I changed this poem around a bit hoping to make it better.
    Reply to Comment

    RHPeat commented on You left

    01-26-2010

    I fell more could have been said with less. It makes me feel manipulated as a reader. It's not the sentiment but the overstatement of it. I just think you'd have more if you left some of it for the reader to feel on their own rather than spell it all out. a poet friend RH Peat
    Reply to Comment

    Bettysrainbow48

    01/26/2010

    I think I see what you mean leaving something for the reader to wonder about right. Thanks for the input.

    RHPeat

    01/26/2010

    Well overstatement and understatement are metaphorical devices that can work in many cases. But in this very painful case I think the overstatement starts to suppress the deeper feelings of the reader to some extent. That there is an awe related to the fact of the deaths that is being missed because all the facts are related from you point of view and this doesn't allow the reader to form their own point of view to grieve with you, so to speak. Knowing how much to give in such situation is a tough job for any writer. Too much or too little and the intent is lost. But for me there is too much here. For me it a hurt pie in the face in a sense. I know the sentiment is real, but I'm not allowed to form my own feelings about this terrible death because you are telling what to feel. So I get this feeling of manipulation from reading the poem. It's not like I'm observing it for myself. a poet friend RHPeat.

    Morris commented on You left

    01-25-2010

    Begins melancoly and slowly decends into almost despair and back to foreboding loss and regret for the time that passed not being counted well tm
    Reply to Comment

    Bettysrainbow48

    01/26/2010

    You read it pretty well. Thanks for the input. Your comments are welcome.

    SavVySam commented on You left

    01-24-2010

    Oh my word, this is so heartrendingly sad Betty! You've penned a beautiful remembrance of those special times you shared and will never forget!
    Reply to Comment

    Bettysrainbow48

    01/26/2010

    You know life passes us bye then this.

    Poetry is not the expression of personality but an escape from personality.

    T. S. Eliot (1888-1965) American-English poet and playwright.

    Bettysrainbow48’s Poems (74)

    Title Comments Submitted
    Title Comments Submitted
    Think of Me 4 02/11/2011
    Sit down with me 19 05/16/2010
    That Look 15 04/30/2010
    In A Moment 18 04/27/2010
    Peek a Boo 14 04/24/2010
    The Oceans Secret 14 04/08/2010
    Fish in a bowl 15 04/07/2010
    Corn Stocks and Summer 11 04/07/2010
    The Snake 17 04/06/2010
    Gone Fishing 14 04/05/2010
    I Can't 16 03/15/2010
    A BOX 16 03/14/2010
    Just A tree 13 03/13/2010
    Change 6 03/13/2010
    You left me 9 03/10/2010
    The Lion Sleeps 5 03/10/2010
    Something about you 7 03/08/2010
    Motivation 10 02/28/2010
    Close your eyes 12 02/17/2010
    Hunger 10 02/16/2010
    The Thunder Roared 10 02/15/2010
    And Jesus said 12 02/11/2010
    It all starts again 8 02/11/2010
    Blue 6 02/10/2010
    Take me back 4 02/09/2010
    It's Valentines Day 15 02/07/2010
    From A Distance 14 02/07/2010
    Take My Hand 3 02/04/2010
    He Barked 5 02/04/2010
    Arthur 3 02/03/2010
    THE GOOLDEN DAYS 3 02/03/2010
    She Danced 11 01/26/2010
    From within the wall 16 01/21/2010
    You left 13 01/18/2010
    Elusive Memories 9 01/18/2010
    People like you 27 01/17/2010
    The Burning in my soul 9 01/15/2010
    The Night Moon 12 01/14/2010
    A picture within a picture 4 01/14/2010
    The first face 6 01/13/2010
    In a clouded mist 3 01/13/2010
    It was September 5 01/10/2010
    Babble Beneath The Wind 7 01/08/2010
    My Darling 3 01/08/2010
    The Rose 7 01/08/2010
    My Valentine 9 01/07/2010
    In the depths of mind 5 01/02/2010
    MY Song 3 12/22/2009
    Daddys Eyes 8 12/21/2009
    The Bug 12 12/12/2009
    Because of you 9 12/08/2009
    ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS 8 12/07/2009
    DEAR GOD 9 12/07/2009
    IN MY SADNESS 2 12/02/2009
    ENOUGH 6 12/02/2009
    TAKING MY BREATH AWAY 11 11/30/2009
    I LOVE YOU 2 11/30/2009
    I'M NOT GONE 4 11/30/2009
    STRANGERS IN THE NIGHT 4 11/30/2009
    DIVORCE 2 11/30/2009
    The Willow Weeps 5 11/18/2009
    The Empitness within 2 11/06/2009
    My Computer 3 11/04/2009
    Running out of time 1 11/04/2009
    My Sprit 3 11/04/2009
    If you could see through my window 3 11/29/2009
    My Door 2 11/04/2009
    Where there is a way 2 11/03/2009
    Everyday is the same 4 11/18/2009
    Empty Arms 5 11/02/2009
    When The Sun Sets- 6 10/31/2009
    Halloween 2 10/31/2009
    Dragon Fly 14 10/30/2009
    Halloween 4 10/30/2009
    Top of Page