"Standing On The Edge"

1 Comments

Poem Commentary

I did not write this poem, I saved it a few years back. Today I stumbled across it and decided to edit it and post it again. I have no idea who sissy8813 is but she totally wrote one of the most graphic and moving poems I have ever read. If I knew how to contact her I would ask to enter this in the contest, but I don't so I won't. It's just too good to not be posted and read by as many as possible. I so wish that I had written this

"Standing On The Edge"

Poised I stand

At the edge

Wind blowing through my hair

I relax and close my eyes

I see myself letting go

 

I fall forward off the cliff

To soar over trees

not falling,

I fly

finally free

 

An Eagle floats beside me

Our spirits joined in flight

He asks me how I like

Soaring so high

 

We go to a beautiful place

hills, flowers, trees

live with animals

free

perfection?

freedom?

 

 rushing waterfalls

sun hits water

reflections

of color shoot out

over nearby fields

grass takes colors

shining

perfect

 

my brother looks at me

“Next is the part that will haunt you”

 

He takes me to his home

a tear in his eye

looking down I see

truth

I wish he never shared

 

It is dark and gray

air makes me cough

looking down I can’t see far

thick and foggy air

force me to swoop down to see

 

high rising tombs

machines killing trees

 

Animals running

No food, only fear,

they are murdered by cars

shot for sport

a desire to be studly

 

small children play nearby

a smile; maybe it’s not all bad

car goes flying by

BOOM!!!!

 

Another child hits the ground

Red liquid flowing

down the street

staining the pavement

 

I shed a tear

look at the Eagle

begging

Not to watch anymore

 

I must see, says he

leads me to a park

Where small kids play

one is grabbed

dragged off

 

We follow,

They take her

to the woods

 

She crys

no one cares

beaten,  raped

she is abadoned


leaving they run

Laughing and high fiving

I am sick

Wanting  to help

I am stopped

He takes me to schools

Kids smoke drugs

sex in the closets

 

one brings a gun

kills many others

 

 

 

we go to church

 

Everyone judging

another

gossip and lies

at Church??

 

Kids hurt each other

with words

 

we go to work

to government buildings

Corruption everywhere

To make sure things go the

Right way

For them

 

innocent people jailed

again I beg him to stop

I can’t take anymore

 

one more stop

he says

showing me war

 

young men,

handsome men

pretty young girls

in uniforms with guns

 

march towards each other

angrily

shouting, shooting, stabbing.

Killing without care

 

falling one by one

tsunamis’ of blood

 

Mr. Eagle says okay

you’ve seen enough

 

Go!!!

make the world better

Show God’s love


I’m too small

I say

I can’t reach them all

 

He says I can try

To reach at least one

 

© 2006  sissy8813 
 - Poets.com

 

         

Score

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General     100 %

Emotional           100 %

Avg Total Score           100 %

         

Positive Feedback       Wow!! The best I've read so far.  The imagery is so very effective and deep.  I was stunned to say the least.  This poem stopped me in my tracks.   This is one of the best poems I've ever read. 

Negative Feedback     Too moving. too touching, to effective and haunting

           

April 08, 2009 8:38 PM

Positive Feedback:

Vivid imagery of what our world is like. Thanks for sharing.

Sky

Negative Feedback:

n/a

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Teardrops commented on "Standing On The Edge"

01-27-2011

This young lady said it all and how can we change it is the question Marie

cutbanksam

01/27/2011

What can I say but I don't know her age. LOL

Poetry is finer and more philosophical than history; for poetry expresses the universal, and history only the particular.

Aristotle (384 BC-322 BC) Greek philosopher.

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