This was written by a friend of mine who has been in prison since 1975.

“A Wasted Life”

I keep trying to block out this singsong noise, it rises and falls continually throughout the cellblock. I sit in a pose of meditation in an attempt to still my troubled mind.

Thirty plus years of confinement in prison presses in on me, as my life slips away day by day. Slowly consuming the best and the last years of my life. How many people can comprehend what it’s like to have your freedoms ripped away?

I am not arguing my guilt or innocence. For innocent, I surely am not. My innocence was lost many years ago at the hands of my abuser. Later still, by the abuses I inflicted upon others.

This isn’t meant to be a pity party. It is a realization of so very much life that has been lost forever, precious life, so very, very precious life. I cannot understand why I threw my freedom away for a few moments of senseless gratification? Moments when I took away that which I had no right at all to take. Taking the innocence of the innocent, replacing it with fear. Mean and cowardly actions for a few dollars or a few moments of sexual gratification.

Try to imagine losing all that you value. Your family, friends, possessions. Losing your car, clothes, your home, even the little things such as cell phones, etc. All of your tech toys gone. All of your pets gone. Heck, I even miss McDonalds. Forget about a trip to the museum or to the beach. You can kiss everything goodbye once you’ve crossed the line. Once you’re in prison your life is no longer yours to run. In essence, it is over!

All the things that you once enjoyed, all the excitement of life is over. Replaced by an unimaginable amount of rules, mostly petty rules. You eat when you’re told to, submit to body searches when told to, wear ugly state issued clothes, pee in a jar when you’re told to. Rules, so many rules.

Not to mention that you have to live with high stone walls, and/or double chain link fences topped with double rows of concertina wire. Living with hundreds or maybe thousands of people of the same sex. Living with rapists, sexual perverts, killers, mental cases, etc. You could end up sharing your cell with your worst enemy or a raving lunatic. It is guaranteed that you will be living with mostly lost souls, and sad, sad people all around you. Living a life you can’t escape from. So, take my advice and keep as far away from here as you can. Otherwise, we will be here, waiting to greet you and your wasted life.

© Bill Van C

04-12-09

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Tags: a, prisoners, reality

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Created by Shannon Boden Jun 17, 2010 at 5:54pm. Last updated by Shannon Boden 15 hours ago.