Saying I understand
I thought I needed inspiration
To write about my family,
Instead I see I needed words
To say how sad I felt,
But another’s pain cannot express mine,
As my words can be given to no-one,
I defended my family in every way
I bent the truth to fit society’s norms
Though I was too young to know it,
I stole others memories
Just so my mind could know a parents love,
I twisted others touches
Just to remember a hug I know is gone,
I cried others tears,
Just to feel the pain I shut away,
Now that I have been alone a decade
I feel it right to resurrect their ghosts,
To set the trial we never had
With a verdict only I could give,
Father, first to the stand,
Why did you promise you princess
You would stay to always lend your hand?
Why did you lie and tell her your touch
Was all she should ever crave?
Why did you fill the nights
With screams instead of peaceful wanderings?
Mother, take your place now,
Tell me why you took my soul,
Explain your reasoning for shunning me,
For loving me, for both took their toll,
Both left me craving something I did not know,
Mother, why did you never protect me?
In the end it doesn’t matter what others tell me,
I don’t care if you abused me,
I don’t care if you broke me,
I just want to know that everything you both did,
Was what you thought was right,
I want to know you never thought to hurt me,
I want to know you thought your love pure,
The trial I set, held and concluded,
Leaves you guiltless in your deaths,
Because I know you loved me,
So I don’t care how much you took
From the mind that still was growing,
I don’t care how many marks you left,
Or that my soul was ripped apart,
‘Cos in the end you took a risk,
Played a calculated role
In your own demises,
You signed your own confessions,
When you looked at me with love,
When you looked at me in silence.
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